Light at the End of the Spaceship?

Okay another update! Complete with Erik-friendly mad-libs so that he does not get queasy while reading this...

Doctor's appointment today. Wait... that means it's been a week since the last appointment, which means the baby did not come in 72 hours?! But...but.... Yeah, I know it has not been fun for me either!

So what's the word?

Baby First:

* His heart is still beating! He's still kicking. These are all good things :)

Mama Second:

* My rainbow is 3 centimeters unicorned.
* The baby is putting a great deal of pressure on my rainbow and that has caused quite a bit of juggling. The stork was amazed that my pot of gold hasn't been stolen. It also made her wonder if it was going to happen on it's own.
* The circus won't let my stork schedule me to luge unless medically necessary or 1-2 weeks past my due date. (LAME, right?) So the stork came up with a plan to cheat the circus! (insert evil laughter and maniacal finger tapping).
* On Tuesday, September 7th at 5:00a.m. I am instructed to go to the circus and tell them that I cannot feel the baby moving, and that my kittens are intense and getting closer together. Yes, my stork is having me lie. Not just lie, but act...and do it well! She has a colleague who will be on call and that colleague will tell them to keep me and ultimately luge. From there they will steal my pot of gold and give me some candy.
* Don't get me wrong, my stork is a good person. While she does not typically lie to the circus, she understands that it has been 8 weeks since I started to unicorn and she does not want me to continue to be so uncomfortable. If she did not have a procedure on Friday, she was going to have me come in before the labor day weekend. Damn!
* Yes, it is still possible for me to begin my mysterious journey before then. Hell, it could be any minute now - but she believes that if it doesn't happen by then, it may not happen without a little help.

SO - Assuming I do not have a baby this week/weekend -- little man will be joining us on Tuesday! It's nice to have a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still going to be walking and hoping for something sooner - but at least we KNOW! I got your hopes up last week - but this time, I mean it. This is not a prediction - it is a guarantee! Yay!!!


THE LEGEND:
Stork = doctor
Rainbow = cervix
Unicorned = dilated
luge = induce
mysterious journey = labor
circus = hospital
kittens = contractions
juggling = effacement (thinning)
lemonade = amniotic fluid/placenta
pot of gold is stolen = water breaks
candy = drugs/pitocin

Mad Libs!

Hey Family/Village --

I would blog, but this is just easier. We have yet another update :)

Again - there is a legend below. This one may be a bit more complicated....

So after going for a walk last night, I started having some pretty intense kittens. They were about 7 minutes apart, lasting 30-60 seconds. We almost went to the circus, but it was late and we waited for them to get closer together. Alas, they went away. :( The following morning the kittens were replaced with shooting pain. There is no euphemism for that one. It's not graphic. So I called the stork and she told me to come in today and get checked out.

First things first: Baby gets a physical! I had an ultrasound or biophysical exam to look at his movement. Out of 8 he scored....an 8! Kick-ass little kid. This looks at movement of limbs, head, lungs, heart, and lemonade (not, that's not urine. Check out the legend). He is a rock star.

* They are guessing his weight at about 7lbs, 2oz (give or take half a pound).
* His head measured at about 37-38 weeks (which is AWESOME, because I'm 38 weeks, and this means his head may be NORMAL!)
* His not-so-enormous cranium was VERY low. Which most likely explains the shooting pain...

Second things second: Mama gets a physical!

* The stork told me that my rainbow is now 2-3 centimeters unicorned. So I was 1 centimeter for about 4 weeks, and in less than a week I jumped nearly 2 centimeters.
* She also said that my rainbow was juggling and making excellent progress. It continues to be awkward when a stork compliments your rainbow or its juggling.
* Her prediction: She believes I will go into mysterious journey within 72 hours. Of course, she cannot guarantee that. But based on the changes I've made, that would be her guess. She also said that she would be shocked if I made it a week. But crazier things have happened.
* I was told to go straight to the circus if the kittens come back or my pot of gold is stolen.

So, Aunts and Uncles, Nanas and Popis, Mops and Pops, creepy guys that will throw things at my baby (Omar....), oh yeah and father of my future child....there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Pun intended. Let's hope this stork of mine is good at predictions, because she has gotten my hopes up!

Love you all!
Jules





THE LEGEND:
Stork = doctor
Rainbow = cervix
Unicorned = dilated
mysterious journey = labor
circus = hospital
kittens = contractions
juggling = thinning (effaced)
lemonade = amniotic fluid/placenta
pot of gold is stolen = water breaks

Erik-Friendly Update

Hey family and friends! I have an Erik-friendly update available :) If you cannot figure out what I'm saying, well, there is a legend at the bottom...

Stork appointment today!
1) Luckily, my rainbow is still only 1 centimeter unicorned.
2) Little man is still active and thriving :) And I'm measuring at 36 weeks still.
3) I go off bed rest next week! Yay!
4) The stork is most likely going to keep me on the candy an extra week since I seem to be responding well and she really wants me to make it to 37 weeks. That may change depending on our stork appointment next week, but at this point, I'm on the candy until the 20th.

Funny, as the stork gets less anxious about premature mysterious journey, she makes comments like "Hope to not see you before next Thursday!" or "just go straight to the circus if you start having goosebumps."

So everything is going well :) Little Man could come at anytime, but hopefully not for a week or two at least. Crazy to think he could be here in a week or two!!!

LOVE!
Jules




THE LEGEND:
Stork = doctor
Rainbow = cervix
Unicorned = dilated
candy = medication
mysterious journey = labor
circus = hospital
goosebumps = contractions

Baking on bed rest....

Captain's Log. Day 14 on bed rest. Every time I think I could lose my mind and go completely stir crazy, something fun happens to remind me what I'm resting for! Whether it's getting more gifts for the nursery, or a new family car, or 4-D pictures of our little one... I have had a crazy, exciting completely boring couple of weeks!

A few things I learned from my hospital stay:
1) One size fits all hospital gowns can double as circus tents. Even with the strings on the back that are supposedly designed to help tighten the gown, this piece of cloth will fall off of you at embarrassing and inconvenient moments...

2) The nurse who says "this is gonna hurt" or the nurse who counts down before sticking you with a needle, is the nurse who is nervous, inexperienced, or just plain bad at what she does. Photographic evidence below. This same nurse had to stick me 5 times...
3) The IV is a needle inserted into your vein which connects to a bag or several bags, which hang on a pole, which are attached to infusion equipment which rolls with you everywhere, yes, everywhere. This entire system becomes an appendage from which you cannot stray more than a few feet. While this concept does not seem so confusing, one should not assume that the hospital cleaning staff is aware of this rule. And yes, it will hurt like hell when he/she attempts to remove your appendage to sweep around it...

4) In the middle of the day, you cannot find your nurse. Don't bother, she's gone. In the middle of the night, she gets lonely and wakes you up every two hours.

5) Magnesium sulfate is evil. It will not stop your contractions, but somehow it does speed time and cause menopause to start early. Your hot flashes will never cease and your husband will suffer through you dropping the temperature to 55 degrees while still requiring a fan. (Picture of a contraction below!)
6) You get your own television. It has 20 channels, 15 of those channels are hospital guides. The TV is attached to the ceiling and practically unreachable for the vertically challenged. The remote consists of 1 button that changes the channels in only one direction. You will have memorized all the hospital guides before you give up and decide to watch a marathon of Cash Cab.

Now for a medical update and cute pictures!
We had another doctor's appointment today. I surprisingly have not gained any weight in the past week, and he hasn't really gained much in the past 2 weeks, but little man is still thriving and active as ever!

• They estimate his weight at 4lbs, 9oz. (completely normal) While his cranium is bigger than expected (cough, CHRISTOPHER, cough), it's only about a week further along than it should be.
• There is still some pressure from little man's head on my cervix, but I have not really progressed in the past week. Yay, bed rest is working!
• We got a 4-D ultrasound...and I hear it's perfectly normal for the baby to try to chew on their own umbilical cord...He really wants out of there....

At first he was not happy. Mr. Grumpy Gills does not like to be woken up. He prefers to do the waking. :)

He just has such a tough life, doesn't he? Don't worry, the pictures after this one show a much more content little boy.
Below you see a much happier baby boy! He's content and quiet, but that cord keeps getting in his face.... it was difficult to get a clear picture, especially of his mouth.Then you see him falling back into a pretty sound sleep. Isn't he adorable? I'm biased...I wonder if he'll actually look anything like this later....

Okay, so there is your update! Like I said, it has been a boring and dull, amazingly exciting couple of weeks. I love this little one more than I can say. His room is completely ready, the overnight bags are packed, all we do now is wait :)

I love you all! We will find a way of letting you all know when he decides that it is time.

Week Getting Closer to the End...or the Beginning

Just wanted to put out a couple of quick highlights from this weekend.

Man Baby Shower

Really big thanks to Omar and Scott - you guys are some really good friends. These two guys put on a totally awesome Man Baby Shower, which, at its core, was an awesome way to justify going to Clear Lake Park at 10:00am and cracking open a couple of Miller High Lifes. Can anyone else think of a better way to celebrate impending fatherhood?

Omar and Scott also organized a pretty great "Man About to Have a Baby Emergency Kit", filled with some shop towels and Monster energy drinks, among another things. They also got folks to pitch in for one of the best gifts of the weekend:





"Real" Baby Shower

Julia also had her baby shower this weekend, and it was equally awesome. Sure, it wasn't "walk around in the park with a forty" awesome, but it was still pretty great, nonetheless. Tamsin, Smashers, and Rosleen - you guys did an AWESOME job. From what I can tell, the party was an huge success. I'll let Julia fill in the details, but really, these ladies went way above what we expected. Thank you so much.

Here are a couple gift highlights:










One Last Gift

I thought this was one of the cuter gifts of the weekend, courtesy of Mr. P. Sure it was for the shower, but it has a little extra meaning on Father's Day.



Thanks!

Thanks again to everyone for the weekend. Really, really awesome.

Hello 3rd Trimester, good-bye blood....

Greetings to the 3rd trimester! We have less than 3 months before our little man joins us, and the thought of that is both ridiculously exciting and unbelievably terrifying.

Oh, Lorraine....
Our first story is about a nurse named Lorraine. She means well. I suppose that says it all. I received a call from Lorraine last Friday where she simply said, "Your hemoglobin looks good, but your glucose is 160. You need to come in for more tests." Well, I'm not the smartest person, but I understand what hemoglobin and glucose is...but I have no idea what my glucose should be. So after trying to ask several questions, she simply responded that they worry I have gestational diabetes. How did I hear that? Well, you know that commercial where they ask if you are suffering from GINGIVITIS...... yeah, that voice.
G-E-S-T-A-T-I-O-N-A-L D-I-A-B-E-T-E-S.

Well, she could not answer any of my questions. What does this mean? How can it impact the baby? Should I be changing my diet? I got nothing. So I scheduled another test and did what no person should do...I googled.

Test 1: Fast the night before, chug the second nastiest beverage ever (50 grams of sugar), wait one hour and have your blood drawn.

Test 2: Fast the night before, have your blood drawn (#1), chug the nastiest beverage ever (100 grams of sugar), wait one hour for another draw (#2), wait another hour for another draw (#3), and wait, oh yes, wait one more hour for another draw (#4).

Did I mention I'm pregnant, and hungry, and thirsty, and in all that time I cannot drink or eat? So during the week of not knowing, what is Julia doing? She's avoiding carbs, any types of sugars and restricting herself to vegetables and meat and lots of water. I denied myself fruit! That takes will-power. I get a call yesterday (not from Lorraine) saying "perfectly normal, you look healthy." And the clouds part, and the light shines down and angels sing...okay, so I was happy. That was such a relief. The funny part? The nurse tells me, "I don't know why you were worried. When your normal weight and good health, if you get a positive on the 1-hour test, it's typically a false positive, I'd say 95-98% of the time. It's not uncommon to get a false-positive. The 3-hour test is just a precaution." Oh Lorraine...that would have been nice to know. All that worrying for nothing.
The history of Lorraine:
-- Julia has back pain, calls the doctor. Lorraine says "whatever you do, rest. Stay laying down as much as possible." Later the doctor says, "Whatever you do, move around and stretch it out. It'll get worse if you rest too much."
-- Julia has been exposed to whooping cough, calls the doctor. Lorraine says, "Oh my GOD! Let me find a doctor, they're not here, I'll page them, wait I'll call her cell phone. We'll probably need you to come in and take labs and get on antibiotics right away." The doctor says, "No symptoms yourself? You've been vaccinated? You'll be fine. We'll keep an eye on it, but the baby won't get it unless you have whooping cough while giving birth."

Lorraine can be hysterical. She makes an unknowing-first-time-mother....hysterical. Next time she calls, I may have to ask to speak to another nurse. She means well.

Baby Class!
Yes, as Chris said, this class is informative and necessary. But as others say...ignorance is bliss. I mean, who really needs to see that epidural needle? I don't need to see it, I'll close my eyes, turn around, and you do what you need to do. And wait a minute, what are these other tubes and and catheters...plural? Where are you putting all those...oh no no no. Something is supposed to come out of there, you're not supposed to be putting more in. Yes, people say childbirth is natural and beautiful. Those people have no watched these videos. Those tubes are not natural, and they're not pretty. And forceps sound harmless, right? You see a picture, and giggle...but wait...take a look at those forceps next to a pair of tongs or something...forceps are HUGE! Why are they that big? Why do they look like the bad guy's hand from the Terminator? Why is Chris smiling?!

A big thanks!
A big thanks to Pops and Terri who helped us finish up furnishing the nursery with a glider!! Comfiest piece of furniture ever, and I'm already using it.


Baby
He's doing VERY well. :) Kicking like a champ...in the middle of the night.
Leading names:
Maxson
Parker
Cooper

Feel free to vote!!! My beautiful sister is getting married in 3 weeks! We are Buffalo-bound very soon and cannot wait :)

Week 25-ish: Hey! That's not an umbilical cord.

After a brief hiatus, here are a couple of the most interesting baby-related developments:

We finally decided on her name. It’s…Chuck?

No, we didn’t really pick her name, but we were pretty close. Until she grew a wiener.

To be honest, this totally threw me for a loop. It’s not that I wanted a girl or a boy in particular, but it’s a total change in perspective (interesting that he’s not even born yet, but there’s already the gender role influence). Pretty weird how one extra little (no jokes) appendage can change things.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if she’s a he or he’s a she. Now I just have to replace all the “Daddy’s little hockey princess” shirts with “Daddy’s ass-kicking hockey goon” shirts.

In terms of names, Julia and I are miles apart.

Actually, that’s not true. We’ve got a decent list of five or so names that we both really like. What is true is that, in typical good-versus-evil fashion, my top name (the good one) and Julia’s top name (the evil one) were simultaneously removed from existence. It was like matter and anti-matter coming into direct contact. Black holes formed, and our top names were no more.

Seriously, though, I’m pretty pumped about the names we have left. This is going to be one cool kid. He will have adoring fans, charisma will ooze out of his pores. Ladies will flock to him like…wait a minute. We’re naming him Eugene.

Welcome to birthing class! Here’s an excess showing of areolas.

We started going to birthing classes. Here’s my serious statement: in the end, I think these classes would help any first time parent. They’re educational, calming, and a good way to spend time with your wife. You realize you’re not the first one to blaze this path – there’s so much research and great advice out there for you.

On the flip-side, I’ve never seen such an unattractive showing of fifty-odd breasts. You hear “video on breast-feeding”, and your inexperienced ears perk up. Five minutes later, you’re searching for a spoon to gauge your eyes out with.

And then there’s the video where you get to watch the baby crown. Where’s that damn spoon!?!?!

Like I said before, it’s a great resource. In the end, it’s totally worth it. But during? Just imagine how awkward it is to be sitting in class when the instructor flashes a picture of her feeding her own kids up on the board. “Hey, that’s your bo…oh.”

One more note on the “It’s a boy!” thing.

Make all the jokes you want about that boy’s genetic inheritance. I’ll reiterate what Julia’s post said. The ultrasound doc said he’s “a boy ALL DAY LONG.”